Recent Photo's From Coco Indie

I recently did an editorial for Coco Indie called "Jealous of Roses" and finally got images back! I had so much fun working with Mark Reyes and Krystell Barraza!

Also check out a recap on the "For The Sake Of Fashion" Street Style Chi // FORD Models show I did last Saturday on Lucky Mag today!

Life Isn't Just A Board Game

I've been toying around with the idea that only the truly selfish can be successful in their careers. Now before you judge me, just think about it; If other people occupy your time, specifically in a romantic manner, your head is likely to be occupying about a thousand other thoughts aside from ones that are career oriented.

From personal experience (and some people watching) I can honestly say that love is so powerful that it can literally make you crazy. It can make you neglect your work or sometimes make rash decisions. What I can't decide though is if it's more important to have a successful career or a successful relationship and is it possible to have both? It seems like having the career AND the guy is never an option, especially for one in my position.

Having a career in the arts is just as bad as having an office job, in my opinion. They're both jobs that, in order to advance, takes 100% of your time and effort -- Time and effort that is just too much to put into two places at once.

With that being said, I've been trying to be more selfish in my career and its proven extremely effective so far. I've been getting so much work and getting so good at marketing myself that my level of opportunity is essentially limitless in this moment. I feel so happy in that sense, but I'm also becoming increasingly aware of how very alone I am. I don't have time (or rather don't want to make the time) to become attached to anyone outside of the industry so that nothing is in my way and nothing can change my mind.

I realize this seems a little extreme, but I know myself and the rash decisions I can make. I've been known to straight up quit a job for someone before and move across the country because I thought they were more important, and it always bites me in the butt. I think the real issue is that I've always strived to follow that little piece of advice they give you in elementary school: "treat others the way you want to be treated", only I find that I am VERY rarely treated the way I want to be treated. Perhaps I set my standards too high...

Thoughts Before Bed

I never thought about it much before, but it's really beautiful how certain things can hold so many memories. So small, for example, that I saw those things that you stick on the sides on corn-on-the-cob earlier on TV and it reminded me of my childhood... Of how my mom had these ones shaped like cows and pigs and I could never make up my mind so I would use one of both.

I think that's the reason why people develop such an emotional attachment to material items. It's not so much that you really love the item, but its what it means to you... What and/or who it reminds you of. I can look around my room right now and tell a story about everything I own whether its a favorite book, a scented candle or a paper fortune; They all hold memories.

I like to pride myself in knowing that I don't [usually] form attachments to a lot of things or people but I know that if I didn't have any, what kind of person would I be then? A person without memories? I think it's human nature to hold on to the past, whether we like it or not. We just have to make the choice for those memories to always be a positive influence so we can always move forward and never back.

The Meaning Of Sex To The Modern Day Woman

I was having lunch with one of my friends yesterday and we somehow got on the topic of how many people we've slept with. She told me she'd slept with 20-30 people and I was so shocked by that number. Why do women feel the need to have so many sexual partners now-a-days?

I realize that men feel the need to because of their high testosterone levels, but women generally have low testosterone levels and are driven by estrogen, thus making their decision to sleep with someone a little more weighted. So why all the meaningless sex, ladies?

I've talked to countless women growing up about this issue, and the answer is really very simple; they feel pressured. When they're on a date and want a little action but don't want to go all the way, women end up feeling like there's no other option. I've been in that position before myself I know how frightening it can be to say "no" and wonder how he's going to react (sometimes violently), but you know what? It's your body and you can do what you want (and don't want) with it. If he's really into you and respects you, he won't be upset if you don't want to sleep with him right away. Everyone knows that good things come to those who wait.

Second Class America

I normally wouldn't post something so personal and forward, but I feel that this is an important topic. 

This is how my night started: I'm slightly intoxicated, heading from a local bar to a pizza pub, I'm waiting in line with two of my close friends (both male) when a man walks in and starts to molest me in front of everyone. His arms are wrapped around my body so tight I can't move; One hand on my breast and another on my groin. His lips press against any part of skin he can find all while I'm waiting in line for a slice of pizza. No one does anything. Everyone stared at me as I looked at them in horror and tried to break free. 

The only "justice" I recieved was a box of free pizza and a shot of whiskey. 

Later on, my friend looks at me and says " I don't know why women expect equality when they get so upset about getting fondled in public. I wouldn't be upset about it".

Please hold my hair while I vomit the fires of hell.

What is wrong with men? Not all men, obviously, but at least the bunch I saw tonight. I'm not fighting for equality right now, though it's a subject of great importance, I'm simply stating that if a human is being attacked by another human you help them. Man or woman. 

I've never been so angry and so hurt... Luckily another woman stepped up and helped me. 

Suckerpunch

I've come to the conclusion that I cannot be left alone with my thoughts, even during a movie. I'm literally sitting in a comedy right now and all I can think about is how backwards it is that mankind has fabricated such a thing as, time. I was watching a scene that included a group of men getting plastered and fucking hookers, and the only thing that held my attention long enough were the series of clocks in the background. 

But seriously, the concept of time is so baffling to me. Why would anyone want such a scheduled life or to put a limit on a frame of time? Rarely does time bring positivity to someone's life. I find that it only brings stress, anxiety and depression. 

Time is a cage and we are animals. 

My Brain Is On Adderall

I have so much on my mind and so much I want to share with you guys but I've been bottling up my thoughts for days now. It's become a winter vortex here in Chicago and it's pushed me back and forth between a state of depression and absolute delirium. I feel inspired now because in the midst of my hibernation I've reconnected with a few old friends, and I've made a couple new ones as well who are like-minded and it's comforting.

A few weeks ago I began reading a book called "Classic Asian Philosophy" by Joel Kupperman; It was a hand-me-down from my room mate and I can't put it down. The first chapter or two are all about The Upanishads, which before now I knew little to nothing about. To put it bluntly, the book has blown my mind. I've learned the difference between "joy" and "pleasure" and I've been made aware that everything we know is exactly the same when you take away It's personality or the quantity. It's given me such a more peaceful outlook on life and I feel less anxious in my chaotic world.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've realized that basically all of my plans are not relevant anymore. I have a new outlook and I have become more aware of what it is I really want in life and I was making it so complicated -- Life should be simple.

Also, this meditation video I found is seriously the best I've come across so far. I highly recommend trying it if you're a beginner. It's very slow and has little direction, which I like. Just keep yourself open minded and sit comfortably: