We Are Infinite

In my room there is drawer full of pharmaceuticals... Before you jump to conclusions, let me first say that they are all prescribed -- they are prescribed to help me sleep but all they really do is quiet my thoughts.  My head is full of all these dreams that seem so simple yet unrealistic and I can't stop thinking about them. I can't stop thinking about how time flows and the way I get swept up in its current. I waste my breath trying to battle the ticks on the clock when in reality, I should thank them.

If it wasn't for time no one would be in a hurry, because forever would be always. I could sleep endlessly because I'd know that I will never reach my goals because to have a goal, it has to have an ending. Without time there is no start or finish. There would be no birthdays or holidays... No schedules. I understand that without time there can be no balance but sometimes balance isn't what we want, It's what we need and I desperately wish to escape necessity.

Simple Meaning of Life

Take three minutes and watch this video I've posted. Stephen Fry explains "humanism" and the meaning of life to him as someone who is non-religious. It doesn't really matter what your beliefs are but I think everything he says is pretty universal.

Just One Cheezy Post

What is love? I don't mean that feeling you get in your stomach when they smile or the way they tuck their shirt in the wrong way but it's just so adorable. I mean the kind of love that, I hate to say, most people never get to experience. There is a solid difference between loving someone and being in love with someone and I think I'm so lucky to have experienced both and to know what the difference is. 

I'm not claiming to be this professional "love guru" or that you should take anything I say seriously but I just think that the description of truly loving someone is beautiful. When you love someone, I mean truly love them, It's like when they walk by a park they're the reason the grass grows there... They don't know it but it's true. They're the reason you somehow get enough oxygen everyday and the reason that the sun shines the way it does. To you, they're the only reason that the planets are still aligned and the only reason gravity still exists. Every beautiful word that falls out of their mouth is like your favorite song on repeat and you don't care if it ever stops. You would call off work to hear this song and you would stop eating to hear this song and you think that's completely normal because love is a disease... The best damn disease you could ever hope to catch.

It's not something that I believe lasts forever or something that you can really accurately describe to someone, but the point is just that there is a difference... And also that I can't end a blog post properly for shit.  

NYC Bound

Hi guys! I sincerely apologize for not updating my blog in a few weeks. I've been in NYC doing some exploring :-)

Here's a peek at what I've been up to:

Recent Photo's From Coco Indie

I recently did an editorial for Coco Indie called "Jealous of Roses" and finally got images back! I had so much fun working with Mark Reyes and Krystell Barraza!

Also check out a recap on the "For The Sake Of Fashion" Street Style Chi // FORD Models show I did last Saturday on Lucky Mag today!

Life Isn't Just A Board Game

I've been toying around with the idea that only the truly selfish can be successful in their careers. Now before you judge me, just think about it; If other people occupy your time, specifically in a romantic manner, your head is likely to be occupying about a thousand other thoughts aside from ones that are career oriented.

From personal experience (and some people watching) I can honestly say that love is so powerful that it can literally make you crazy. It can make you neglect your work or sometimes make rash decisions. What I can't decide though is if it's more important to have a successful career or a successful relationship and is it possible to have both? It seems like having the career AND the guy is never an option, especially for one in my position.

Having a career in the arts is just as bad as having an office job, in my opinion. They're both jobs that, in order to advance, takes 100% of your time and effort -- Time and effort that is just too much to put into two places at once.

With that being said, I've been trying to be more selfish in my career and its proven extremely effective so far. I've been getting so much work and getting so good at marketing myself that my level of opportunity is essentially limitless in this moment. I feel so happy in that sense, but I'm also becoming increasingly aware of how very alone I am. I don't have time (or rather don't want to make the time) to become attached to anyone outside of the industry so that nothing is in my way and nothing can change my mind.

I realize this seems a little extreme, but I know myself and the rash decisions I can make. I've been known to straight up quit a job for someone before and move across the country because I thought they were more important, and it always bites me in the butt. I think the real issue is that I've always strived to follow that little piece of advice they give you in elementary school: "treat others the way you want to be treated", only I find that I am VERY rarely treated the way I want to be treated. Perhaps I set my standards too high...

Thoughts Before Bed

I never thought about it much before, but it's really beautiful how certain things can hold so many memories. So small, for example, that I saw those things that you stick on the sides on corn-on-the-cob earlier on TV and it reminded me of my childhood... Of how my mom had these ones shaped like cows and pigs and I could never make up my mind so I would use one of both.

I think that's the reason why people develop such an emotional attachment to material items. It's not so much that you really love the item, but its what it means to you... What and/or who it reminds you of. I can look around my room right now and tell a story about everything I own whether its a favorite book, a scented candle or a paper fortune; They all hold memories.

I like to pride myself in knowing that I don't [usually] form attachments to a lot of things or people but I know that if I didn't have any, what kind of person would I be then? A person without memories? I think it's human nature to hold on to the past, whether we like it or not. We just have to make the choice for those memories to always be a positive influence so we can always move forward and never back.