Long time readers may remember the days I would pick out the beyond horrible dates I went on and post about them; remnants of my "one-date-then-dash" rule I made up so I wouldn't have to deal with the negatives of actually liking someone. That didn't last more than a year or so because I realized how incredibly lonely and stupid it was; I will admit though, that it was a hell of a lot easier. For my age (nineteen), I really haven't steadily seen more than one person mostly due to my constantly moving around, and after my one person, the fear of having another relationship turn out like that one did. I consider my self a risk-taker, but it's hard to take risks on things with a more permanent turn-out, like my feelings. I do realize I sound like the wimpiest person on the face of the earth, so no comments on that please. I guess my point is, that my rule prevented me from all of the confusion I am now experiencing; Though I don't want to take back that feeling. Maybe I'm more controlling than I want to admit. I like to know exactly whats going on at all times, and I like to have full control; In love there is no control in my opinion. In movies it's all so simple, but in real life all thats going through my head is, "what the hell is going on?"
Anyway, I'm just going to assume that I know nothing and everything will continue to be confusing as ever. Awesome.
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