Mix Tape Nostalgia

I am currently listening to "Check Yo Self" and finding it quite hard to write while being distracted by Ice Cube combined with the sound of tonights basketball game (no, I don't know who's playing). I'm trying to keep myself busy so that I can beat my yearning to purchase a plane ticket for next month; It's becoming a bad habit. I need to realize that I am not super man and I can't keep up with this lifestyle. I'm also fighting this thing called jealousy right now, which is an even worse habit. I know it's natural and everyone feels it, but that doesn't make it right.
I've also gotten an email with an idea that i'm going to try: "put your Ipod/Mp3 on shuffle and write about what it means to you via emotions and memories".
I'm just going to try a few. Here it goes:

• My Name Is Skrillex-Skrillex: This reminds me of this guy who used to stalk me last summer before I moved. He put this on a mix CD he made me. 
• Electric Feel-MGMT: Getting ready for work and putting on all of my winter gear to catch the bus.
• Lullaby-Sia: Reminds me of the week straight that I'd come home and make fried chicken for myself while dancing around the kitchen all night. 
• Snow-Red Hot Chili Peppers: This 3-day party I went to and how shitty I did at pong the first night. I kept saying "next time!" but I never made it in. 
• Stay On The Ground-Armour For Sleep: This super long bus ride I took to Chicago to see this guy for the first time.
• Insane In The Membrane-Cypress Hill: My dad dancing at my graduation party. 
• Ice Cream Truck-Cazwell: The early part of last summer I spent with my best friend just dancing and playing in the pool.
• Liar-Mumford And Sons: This playlist I have on my computer called "depressed". I listen to it whenever I feel down like it's supposed to make me feel better. It's funny how people do that.
• I'll Be-Edwin McCain: Whenever I leave from visiting my friends I think of this because once I was on my way back and this started playing and I totally broke down. I'm not good at goodbyes. 
• Little Numbers-BOY: When I would just walk around aimlessly and explore on my days off sometimes. I have a playlist for every occasion it seems like, and this is on my "taking a walk" playlist. 
• Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy-Andrews Sisters: This reminds me of pretty much every time I've ever gotten ready. It just makes me want to get up and do something. 
• Keep Your Head Up-Ben Howard: I used to have this spot I would sit at to think; It was at this dock on the lake. I would go during the winter or late at night when no one else was there. I played this song frequently.
• She's Enough-Atmosphere: This guy I went to elementary school with. We found out that we both lived in the same state a while ago and after talking about what towns we lived in, we discovered that he was just near me at an Atmosphere show. Talk about bummer. 
• Pretty Girls Make Raves-Young Statuses: This was on the playlist at my old job. It really makes me wish working there. I loved it so so much. 
• Draw Japan-The Horrors: When I lived with my grandparents a few years ago, I would sit out in the car and talk to my aunt on the phone. She's my favorite family member aside from my brothers. 

^.^

Father's Day With A Side Of Meltdown

Some fast facts on Father's Day to aid in your celebration:

• Father's Day was founded in 1910 in Spokane, Washington by Sonora Smart Dodd. 
• She got the idea from a Mother's Day sermon.
• It's first celebration was held at the Spokane YMCA on June 9th, 1910.
• Different countries have theirs on different days, for example, Russia hosts theirs on February 23rd and Portugal hosts theirs on March 19th (dia do Pai). 
• Sonora chose June because that was the month of her father's birthday.
• It became an official holiday in 1924 by President Coolidge and made permanent by president Nixon in 1972. 
• credit. credit.  

Now, if that was of no interest to you, then i'll assume you're here for the "meltdown" portion of this post. If you're a first-time reader, I warn you that my ranting posts generally don't make a whole lot of sense unless you know me well enough because none of my ranting usually fits into one category, it's just whatever pops into my head from one sentence to the next. 

• Anyway, for whatever reason, I woke up today feeling like a girl. Not that I always feel like a man, but on an emotional standpoint I feel more like a girl than usual today. I also really hope that people involved in my ranting will not read this, otherwise I will most likely regret posting... Though that's not enough to stop me from writing it. I gotta let loose and all that jazz. 
• Back to the main topic: I feel like a girl in the sense that I'm feeling all low self-esteem and drainy and like I really need a hug with a gallon tub of Ben and Jerry's. 
• I feel like for once I actually need advice from my best friend instead of the other way around... Which just doesn't happen often. Aside from this very moment, I just assume that everything fixes itself and go about with my daily life, but today I'm slightly less optimistic... Or possibly overly optimistic; however you want to look at it. 
• I feel like I wish I had my life back and I wish my original plan that I was working towards for months wouldn't have been pushed back. 
• I feel like I somehow stand a chance against the entire female population of the Midwestern portion of America. 
• I feel like a hypocrite because I don't follow my own advice on certain matters, but preach them to others... Although I look to my friends for the same advice sometimes. 
• I feel like even though I just quit my job, another better job will just show up even though it's off season. 
• If I were granted three wishes from a magic genie I would wish 1: I could read minds for about 30 seconds 2: I would somehow make bank and enjoy whatever I'm doing to make it 3: I haven't thought of a good one yet... But I will. 
• I feel like an idiot because I forgot to check the date to see when the 17th was until last night so I could pay my credit card on time, but what do you know... Today (SUNDAY) is the 17th...  So the bank is closed. 
• I feel like I'm going to have a rough time finding an apartment with a job I haven't had for long (assuming I get a new one soon) along with my new shitty credit score thanks to my lack of real-life skills, like knowing what day it is. 

I know I should maybe feel embarrassed to post this, but seriously... Don't even tell me that you never have a bad day and never want to vent about it. 

When Noses Meet Roses

That feeling when your alarm goes off in the morning and all of a sudden the springs sticking out of your mattress start to feel like laundry fresh out of the dryer... That's what everyone is searching for but passes up on a daily basis. Why not buy a new mattress so it can be comfy every day?
Of course I mean this in a metaphorical sense, though I'm sure we could all use more comfortable mattresses.What I really mean is that everyone is so focused on the big points in life (graduate college, get your dream job, get married, etc) that they lose sight of the little things along the way. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I wish I knew what I wanted for my future like everyone else, but in a sense I do. I'm just more focused on the little things that lead to happiness like getting stuff off my bucket list and all that jazz. So here's my new list (shortened of course) since I've done almost everything on my old list.
I'll start with the things on that list I haven't done and expand... Because now that I've read through it again, I've probably only done half of it. It has only been six months though, so I feel accomplished.

• Go sky diving
• Catch a bouquet at a wedding
• Go an entire day without hurting myself
• Horseback ride on the beach
• Learn another language (entirely, not just bits of Japanese and Spanish)
• Learn to clog dance
• Go to the opera house in Sydney
• Finish a novel
• Volunteer in a third-world country
• Dune buggy through the desert
• Go paragliding
• Attend an Anna Sui fashion show
• See the Monalisa
• Meet the Dalai Lama
• Learn to sail
• Attend the Super Bowl 
• Experience tears of joy
• Witness New Years Eve in Times Square
• Swim across the English Channel
• Perform as a street musician

There's actually quite a bit I haven't done... I want to add more small-goal things to my list though. 

• Try bubble tea
• Finish writing ANYTHING
• Take ballet
• Kiss in the rain
• Find a pair of heels that don't give me terrible blisters
• Find the perfect "little black dress"
• Go portaledge camping
• Learn at least enough Portuguese so I can speak to my family
• Learn piano
• Take belly dancing
• Ride the Chicago ferris wheel
• See a movie in Hollywood Forever Cemetery
• Memorize the art of palm reading
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen
• Try writing a children's book
• Stop working on the 3-year painting. It's done now.
• Invent something
• Go whale watching
• Stay at a bed and breakfast
• Learn to meditate
• Take a cooking class

That's all I have for now. I'm sure no one cares to read fifty pages on things I want to do before I die. I'm also keeping up with my new years resolution to not do anything that doesn't make me happy, so i'm glad for that. What's on your bucket list? :)

Ridiculous Nonsense

So I'm currently on my four hour commute to work and just cashed in my Starbucks coffee bag for a free cup . On my second bus right now, and the only reason I mention that is because it oddly resembles the 70's porno sheets like the ones in a Super8 motel. It also smells like a nursing home... But that's off topic.
The real reason I'm posting this is to tell you about the dream I had last night; it was crazy. Not as crazy as the one I had about the Wiesel in a box, but pretty weird at least.
It starts off with my parents and I getting ready for bed in this old guys RV. He doesn't really have any significance so I don't know why he was there. Anyway, my parents just decide that instead of sleeping, we should just drive to Chicago and swim in the lake ( I also don't know where we lived in my dream because it seemed like days before we got there). So we arrive at a hotel downtown and instead of swimming, my mom sends me on a date with some guy she found online. So he takes me to a waterpark at which we play pool and eat shepherds pie and not swim at all. He ends up being super weird so I excuse myself and when I return, him and about 5 other people are dressed in scary costumes (like Día de los Muertos and that latex suit from American Horror Story) and were having a huge orgie party on this electric chair in the middle of the room.
It was borderline porno and should definitely be a series on HBO. Just saying.
Off to work I go! :)

There's also a guy puking in the back of the bus right now O.O

Third Wheel: Extreme Edition

I came home yesterday afternoon to my crazy neighbor fighting with her boyfriend (or ex boyfriend?). I'd been told about her before I moved in, but didn't actually witness the craziness until now. First she threw her potted plants at him from atop the balcony, then she paced the hallway banging on my windows yelling for me to come outside. Out of fear that she would break the windows or the door, I came out and asked her if she needed any help. Bad idea. She dragged me to the end of the staircase and made me stand there while her and her boyfriend yelled across the parking lot... I'm not sure what help she thought I was to her by just standing there, but I just slowly disappeared back into my apartment and bolted the door. 

I went out to dinner last night, came home, and the cops were here trying to calm her down. 

Woke up this morning and she's outside my window yelling at him on the phone. 

Why am I always put into these situations? Let's just all be nice...

In the meantime, enjoy this funny photo I found :)

Sucker Is My Middle Name

First off, I'd just like to say that I'm not planning on permanently posting excessively. It's just that I have so much on my mind lately and it helps to put it on my blog. To me, this blog is where I can just jot down all of my thoughts... Which just happen to be very public. Having my thoughts public is a good thing because I do on occasion get emails with feedback or advice and I really do enjoy getting those, but it can also be a bad thing when whatever is on my mind involves people or places that everyone knows about. No secrets here. This post is actually one of those, and I've been telling myself not to do it, but I just can't hold things in. It reminds me of an episode of the Nickelodeon show "Victorious" (yes, I watch that sometimes) where one of the characters had to trick himself into telling someone something because he could not hold it in and was going crazy. It's kind of like that. I used to simply turn all of my feelings and thoughts into poetry, but lately this has been having the same effect so I'm not complaining.
I actually don't even know what to really start with other than that this post still holds truth... And it sucks a little bit. Actually a lot. No matter how hard I try I can't get it off my mind, not that I really want to, but just to take a step back and be sure things aren't one-sided. Honestly, I'm really trying to disregard every cheesey comment I would like to replace these words with. I think sometimes I can be overly cheesey and I feel like I make people puke a little bit in their mouths. I'm not going to properly end this, because in truth I could go on and on... But I can say that I feel so much better even knowing that I haven't even put a title on this yet, much less published it.

Salty Eyes

It's 6:30 in the morning, and i'm waking up earlier and earlier each day. The first thing I thought of this morning (other than why am I up at 6:30) was, why do we cry when we're sad/happy/whatever? So of course I googled it.
According to WebMD:

• On an emotional standpoint it means you need to address something because you have a build up of emotions. 

According to Wikipedia:

• Tears produced during emotional crying contain more hormones than regular tears.
• There are only theories on why people cry at a scientific standpoint. 
• For example: William H. Frey of University of Minnesota believes that people feel better after crying because it releases a build up of hormones.
• Based on a study of over 300 adults, men cry an average of once a month and women cry at least five.
• There are three types of tears: Basal, Lacrimal and Reflexive. Basal tears are simply made to keep the eye lubricated and are produced at a rate of 1 to 2 microliters a minute. Reflexive tears are made in response to something irritating the eye. Psych tears are due to an emotional state. 

Didn't really answer my question properly, but it was interesting nonetheless... To me anyway.

Bet you loved reading that ;)

Also, I hope I can actually start sleeping like a normal person soon... I don't know why I address it as if it's a talent, but if it were considered a super power, I'd wish for that one first. Then I'd wish I could pause time.

Spill Your Soul

I just realized that I can see how many people view each post on my page... I really need to learn how to properly use the websites I have accounts on. Anyway, I was surprised to see how many people actually read my posts. It honestly makes me feel slightly uncomfortable that all these people are inside my head, but I'm the one who makes my thoughts public. I just can't hold anything in... Which is partly the main purpose of this post.
Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't tell people the things I do. I always say that if you have something on your mind just get it out, but I get so nervous before hand. That must be a sign that I should keep things to myself right? This morning I actually called my mom to tell her that I wanted to move... Which I definitely shouldn't have told her because my parents are totally against me moving anywhere they don't like themselves. I suppose I shouldn't be scared to tell people whats on my mind though.
Also, I'm not a big fan of Spirit Airlines; It truly was a low budget flight. The seats were so close together that I couldn't put my legs down all the way and I got seated between two very large, very smelly people for a four hour flight. I felt like a creeper as well because I was nearly in the guys lap next to me trying to see out the window... He should have just traded me seats. That would've been lovely. I think I will definitely pay the extra money for a good seat next time.
For all the viewers out there: Send me some feedback! Leave a comment!

Side note: I didn't need my pro/con list like I said I did. I made my mind up this morning. It's like when I go to a restaurant and pick what I want to eat, I hurry up and close the menu so I don't change my mind... I feel sort of like that. Mostly because I know that no matter what, someone will disagree with my choices.  But I need to start living for myself and not other people.

Goodnight Chicago

So, I'm listening to John Denver because I felt it was appropriate on my way to the airport. This is my third vacation in the last three months, so i'm keeping up with my once a month vacation resolution I made. I think this may be my favorite out of the last three. Though mostly uneventful, I enjoyed seeing all the people I care most about. I love California, but I love my friends and family much more so it was a grand vacation for me.
Everything else in my life is pretty much the same, though I am making more money right now than I have in the past so wherever I decide to move will probably happen by the end of August if everything goes smoothly, so fingers crossed there. As to where I'll move, I'll probably decide based on a pro/con list that really won't be the basis of my decision at all but will simply make my risky choices seem less risky in my mind. That would be on the pro side of my "Reasons to not tie yourself down anywhere" list. Freedom is a good thing I think... When you have just enough of it. Anyway, I'm going to continue with my John Denver music marathon and I'll post again soon. I need to get back into the habit.