Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Good Luck, Bad Luck

In leu of recent unfortunate events, I've had a stroke of luck. Now I don't want to jinx it or get over-excited, but I may be signing with an agency next week (finally). Only problem is that, one: I have to relocate sooner than planned (which I was contemplating doing anyway due to other events) and two: I can't help but feel like I could do better. I'm sure it's a lovely agency, but it's certainly not my dream agency and has a lot of bad reviews. I will however still meet with them and make my own decision. I'm thinking if they can get me real work and I have an open contract, then perhaps I could land FORD (my absolute favorite place on earth) later on. We will just have to wait and see and you can count on my keeping you updated.
Now, to bring you all up to speed on the "other events" I mentioned.
I've moved in with my parents who live in the middle of nowhere which limits my choices for employment to a gas station and a bar, both of which will never hire unless someone dies or combusts, rather. This leads to having zero dollars now, meaning I can't leave town EVER and I can't get approved for my school loan and pay my tuition deposit which was due something like, yesterday. So, I'm going to be a bum again, or couch surfer if I get lucky. Which leads me to another "event".
I'm setting up a sketchy living arrangement with a 30 year old man I met on Craigslist. I'm debating on whether it would be wiser to continue on that path or just be homeless all together.
Another issue: I have one week to come up with $86 for a train pass and maybe have extra money to eat until I get payed.
Anyone else have to go through all of this just to go to school? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world that will never have help when I need it.
Anyway, that would be the reason my eyes have sunken into my face and why I haven't written in a couple weeks.
On a happier note, my boyfriend and I spent a much needed night together a few days ago and it was lovely. He made dinner, we had a Harry Potter marathon, and much like a movie, played piano in our underwear. Hope I gave everyone a nice visual ;).

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Taking A Break

This may be my last post for a few weeks. I have a lot on my plate right now and I'm feeling myself pull into a state of permanent hibernation. I don't want all of my posts to be negative, so I'm gonna take a break from my blog for awhile. Anyway, check back again in a couple weeks please! I'm not dead! ^.^

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Julie, Julia and I

I've just finished watching the masterpiece of a movie, "Julie and Julia" and I have to say, that it moved me. It moved me in the sense that it made me realize what a shit blog I've got myself. What have I got to blog about anyway? I am surprised to see everyday that people even read my blog posts about my day-to-day life (though lately I haven't been writing quite as often).
It's mostly just taken the place of my actual journal, apart from the really personal things left out of my blog; those are actually written in my journal. I'm sorry to say that I can't be too honest on something absolutely anyone can see. I at least try not to use people's names, even though if they were to read about themselves, I'm certain they would know it was about them.
Anyway, I need to pull myself out of this state of "rock bottom" as they call it... Whoever "they" may be, and find something worth while to write about. This blog wasn't intended to be the blog version of a reality tv show, it was intended for me to be able to write and to be able to finish something. Every post is a small accomplishment on my way toward writing bigger and better things. It's like I'm teaching myself to write and this is my warm-up.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Icky Ticks

I was thinking today about all the things people try to hide about themselves in order to seem more appealing to the public. What about being appealing to ourselves? So, with that being said, I think to make my way toward self-happiness, I need to have a one-on-one honesty session with myself.
So what do I try and hide far back in my mind... **these are my confessions** la la la...

Due to my experience from watching the popular horror movie, The Grudge, I now have to look inside my shower every time I enter and exit the bathroom for fear that the "Grudge girl" will be there

I do that obvious girl thing where I'm always scared or cold just because I want to be held for no reason... Even if it's 90 degrees at a Justin Bieber concert, you can count on me being cold and scared

When I was a kid I told everyone at school that I was adopted and that's why I couldn't have anyone over after school. Which didn't make any sense, but worked, because I got to go to everyone else's house instead and eat all their food

I like men solely based on their accents and sense of humor. Russell Brand totally wouldn't be as hot of he wasn't British and wasn't ridiculously funny

I take up activities you would typically see an old single woman doing (such as knitting) when I'm going through a period of unemployment

I prefer abnormal relationships due to me lack of skill to keep myself interested. It's like after the chase is over, my life is meaningless.

I find myself people watching, not only to observe their sometimes odd behavior, but to pick out which people have a real Burberry scarf on or not. I take great pride in knowing the difference

Just looking at something made of pressed wood (such as a wooden cooking spoon or a Popsicle stick) makes my teeth hurt to the point where I need to take a few Advil afterward and think happy thoughts

I can't go longer than an hour without applying Chapstick and if I don't have any, I will spend my last dollar to buy a new one, over food

I will pay my bills late just so I can buy a new coat or pair of shoes that I think I need, but really don't

Well, that's all for tonight. Enjoy ^.^

Also, for an update. I did tell so and so that I wanted to date him the same night I wrote my last post, and we are now dating. How's that for good news?
Goodnight, All.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Fifteen Month Year

In case you're wondering which year has fifteen months, it's 2013 and it only exists in my head. As always, I've decided to make my New Years resolution list a couple months early. Anyway, who says I have to wait until January to set goals for myself? That's just silly.
So here's my list:

  1. Work out at least twice a week
  2. Have enough money for bills and for fun
  3. Do great in school
  4. Be more open with people
  5. Get signed by an agency 
  6. Absolutely no "one date then ditch". Stick with one person at a time
Well, that's all I've got at the moment. I'm sure I'll add more before its actually New Years. Enjoy ^.^

I've also been thinking more about how I feel toward so-and-so. I know no one wants to read about my boy problems, but I can't talk to my best friend about it because his only opinion on him is that he's a "d-bag" but has nothing to back that up. I want a real opinion, and not a negative one for no reason at all.
Anyway, I think I eventually want a relationship (yes, I said the "R word" and want to re-enter the dating world). I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel that way, but if that's what I want I should probably say something. I was thinking I didn't want anything "serious" but I have no interest in seeing anyone else (one guy at a time kind of girl) and I would feel terrible if he were to see anyone else. I don't want to just be a flavor and just be "that girl". Anyway, I guess that's kind of what a relationship means in a loose definition; to only see each other, and that's what I want.
On the other hand, if I were to say that to him, I would probably scare him away. I mean, if after eight months of casually dating he hasn't expressed that kind of interest in me, then he probably won't ever right? I don't like to assume the worst, but I try to be realistic as possible so I don't get my hopes up.
After all, the last month has been awful for me thinking I wouldn't see him again and it would be better to avoid that happening again in the future than to just assume it will work out, and then have this happen again a few weeks or months from now. Someone tell me how to "grow some balls" or "man up" or whatever people do when they talk about something frightening.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sway Me Like The Sea

Figured I'd update my blog while I still have cell phone reception.
I'm currently on my way back from Chicago; I'm listening to Ben Howard and feeling slightly nostalgic. The lingering taste of this mornings coffee reminds me of a certain someone.
I went to Chicago partly to see my best friend who I haven't seen in months, and partly on a whim that I may have my mind changed about my recent assumptions; I think my minds changed... Mostly anyway.
Still having mixed feelings about the fellow most of my positive posts are about (and a negative). I guess what's on my mind are two things: one being that I let my fears control me and there for I shut people out, which is awful and relates to my second thought, or rather observation about myself, that I think I know what I want but I find ways to change my own mind. For example: last night I had a conversation with so-and-so about issues that we've been having and where we stand and every time we talk about such things, I tell him that I'm not sure what I want. I think I'm as sure as anyone can be about this sort of thing; can you ever really be 100 percent positive about trusting a person anyway? My point being that either everyone else goes through this and I'm over thinking it, or I should probably seek counseling if my previous relationships fucked me up this much (pardon my French).
Anyway, just wanted to get that out there because I know I won't tell him any of that, unfortunately. But all around, I enjoyed my trip very much and I'm very glad that I can go whenever time permits now since I am no longer across the country.