Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Spoiler Alert

I went and saw The Spectacular Now last night with two of my friends and I've been in such a weird mood ever since.
It was a phenomenal film, I definitely recommend seeing it, but it just hit me so close to home; not only with the main character's family issues but with his internal emotional issues as well. 
In the movie he keeps searching for the answer to a generic college essay question, "describe a hardship you've had to overcome, etc" and he really struggled with it because he realizes that the hardship he's facing is himself. 
I didn't have to answer that question when applying for school, but if I did that would definitely be my answer as well.
I am my life's biggest hardship. I am the thing standing in the way of my own happiness.
I guess I feel like I'm the guy from the Into the Wild story except in the end he realized that life is about who you share it with but I feel like I need to find a way to be happy with myself first because if I'm only happy because of a person I'm with, I will be miserable and lost when they're gone and I don't want to be that weak.
I know that if I find myself questioning if I'm happy or not, it means I'm probably not... The only time I don't think about it is if I'm traveling or if I immerse myself in the daily grind (work, pay bills, sleep, work, pay bills, sleep) and so I don't have time to think about my feelings, which isn't healthy either. I'm just always watching my life through someone else's eyes, waiting for my turn to live it. I need to find a way to get to that point.
I might sound crazy, but I know I can't be the only person going through this if theres a damn movie about it that I just saw. Clearly whoever wrote The Spectacular Now knows whats up.

Photo by yours truly.

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