Tuesday, August 6, 2013

These Eyes Wander

I've been taking part in a lot of doing and a lot of thinking lately, but when it comes to just simply being I become increasingly aware that I don't fit into this life I'm living.
By that I mean that I don't see myself as a part of the puzzle that is the day-to-day life so many people I know are living. It's a constant rat-race; a constant struggle and need to one-up the person sitting next to you. It's everyone thinking that the goal of life is to fit into this mold that is our current society.
It would be a shame to give up my dream of modeling, but I sometimes think I would be much happier living out my other dream: being completely free. I simply want to exist. I don't want to call one specific place home and I don't want any specific sort of career. I want to drift with the wind and meet so many people and go so many places, even if that means doing it alone.
When I tell my friends and family this, most of them ask questions like, "You don't ever want to 'settle down'?" or "What about college?".
To answer the first question: I suppose I would like to settle down in a sense if I met the right person. The problem is, not to sound cynical, I can't imagine that there is a person out there who could truly handle myself and my lifestyle.
To answer the second: I don't need a piece of paper that says I sat through four years of lectures to be considered intelligent.

Anyway, I'm thinking about putting together a trip (to nowhere in particular) and if anyone would like to join me or throw out ideas please feel free to send me an email or comment below.

Photo by myself


  1. So I came here to find your email to ask you about doing a test shoot, and suddenly I find a blog post that kind of hits on the way I'm feeling at this very moment (and all the time).

    This is kind of insane actually. Pretty much everything you said is how I've felt at one point or another and (I just turned 27) by the way) I don't think it really changes if that's who you really are inside.

    But the part about the trip though. If you'll listen to a quick, boring story for a moment, my younger brother moved to L.A. about a year ago and I drove with him from Chicago and I seriously didn't even wanna come back. L.A. cool and all, but seriously, the notion of packing up and driving away, with no destination in site, and that feeling being thrilling instead of scary, is kind of where I want to operate forever.

    So much so that I've envisioned this road trip from here back to L.A. and maybe up the coast to Portland that I'd document either in photographs or in short film. I dunno. But I always envisioned a partner of some sort. Now, you don't know me, but I'm just saying that if you're serious about that trip, and you do me the honor of allowing me to do these test shoots with you (that's what I emailed you about), I've been saying "wouldn't it be cool to..." for far too long.

    And though you're not the only one who thinks that way, I found it kind of crazy that I just happened to stumble upon someone who saying everything that I think about every day.

    But yeah, sorry if random dude on the Internet responding to your post was unwelcome. But I like the way you think.

  2. Also, I swear I know English pretty well. 11PM brings all the typos.